Present and Aware

It is so important to be present and aware: notice the signs and messages, accept them, adjust your life and the way you think and continue to be in the flow.

I had some messages that I should have listened to and didn't. I wanted to share my recent experiences with you.

Early last year I decided I wanted to learn yoga, primarily to help with my neck and back pain and also to get super-fit.

In April 2018 I had an opportunity to book a place on a 4-week intensive teacher training Vinyasa yoga course in Costa Rica starting in November 2018.

All the pre-course work arrived, I bought all the books and got started. I practiced daily, I did lots of reading, studying, researching, completing assignments, writing essays, meditating...

​I was really enjoying it but looking back, I had put a lot of pressure on myself and I was ignoring the little niggle at the back of my mind that continually questioned my decision.

I found it hard to practice all the poses due to my neck and back issues, I couldn't turn my head properly to the sides, bend back very far, sit on the floor for long, had sharp twinges in my lower back. However, I still carried on, trying to be gentle and going only as far as I was comfortable, holding an inner intention that the more I practiced the easier it would become and my back would surrender into complete submission and fully recover. I have always enjoyed yoga.

So I continued with the yoga study, I also continued with running my business - Love 2 Meditate (weekly group meditations in Fleet and Basingstoke, one-to-one sessions, weekend workshops) and I continued to work three days a week as a Business Support Manager. 

Variety in my life was good, but my back wasn't improving, in fact I started to increase my oestopathy appointments, tried acupuncture and cupping, booked deep tissue massages, etc. The yoga practice was no longer regular, I was only able to do it when my body was able to cope.

I am one of those people who will always try their hardest to do what they say they will do, no matter what - yes, it may sound stubborn and yes sometimes I am - however the main point is that I live with high integrity.

A few weeks before I was to leave for the yoga course, I was involved in a car accident. Driving home from work, a car plunged into the back of my car. Luckily, I only had whiplash.

Not at any point did I feel angry or resentful, in fact, after I recovered from the initial shock - my reaction was to check how the person behind me was. His car was written off - his windscreen smashed from the deployed airbag. Fortunately, he was ok.

I remember getting a message at the point of impact 'breathe.... are you listening?'.

After a few days, I stepped back.

I meditated... I questioned... I listened...

What is this accident telling me?
What is it that I need to change?
Why has the accident caused further injury to my neck and back?
What does it mean when the neck and back are in pain?
What is the Universe and my body trying to tell me?

​Neck pain is associated to being stubborn, inflexible, creating pressure, narrow mindedness, indecisiveness,
Back pain is associated to feeling a lack of support (emotional, financial...), carrying burdens, feeling helpless, guilt, feeling unloved, not trusting life, causing pressure.

I needed to reduce the pressure in my life, understand the support I have, stop resisting, let go and trust that all will be ok.

​I started to work on positive affirmations. I acknowledged and appreciated the great things I already have in my life - the amazing support and love I have always received from my friends and family. I am truly blessed.

I decided to withdraw from the yoga course. Once I had made that decision, I felt a slight relief from the pain. It was the right decision.

Recently however, I am again feeling an increase of pain.

Breathe... I am listening...

I received a further confirmation of what I needed to do when recently a very caring, honest and loving friend called me out of the blue to say that he sensed something wasn't quite right in my life. He sensed that I needed to change something.

This time I am acting on the messages while they are still at a suble level.

I have decided to stop the weekly evening group sessions. I want to have time to relax, have fun, see friends, potter about and complete little jobs that get pushed to one side. I want to build on my knowledge and expand my awareness. I want to be clear and balanced so I can continue my soul work.

In the meantime and I hope you will be pleased to hear, I will continue to offer private sessions and weekend workshops.

Who knows what the future brings. To use the good old phrase - new doors are opening as others are closing.

Thank you to all of you who have attended and supported the weekly sessions and thank you for reading my blog.

I feel lighter.

​“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.”
Buddha